What does an Asian American Conversation Look like?
One week ago, we called in our fellow APIDA community members to sit down an initiate the difficult conversation of anti-Blackness in our Asian communities. On our Instagram we compiled resources, tips, and pledged to donate for each person who shared their #AsianAmericanConversation experience in addition to matching donations. Today we are highlighting a few of their experiences in hopes to shed light on ways to navigate and normalize the discussion of racial differences and mutual understanding with the people we love.
“As the daughter of two immigrants, my parents have worked incredibly hard to give my brothers and I the privileges we have today. They saw how the system in the US treated minorities and adapted to fit into what Americans perceived to be the “model minority”. However, it’s impossible to play into the system without believe in the system and all the biases that come along with it. Over the past couple days, I’ve begin to have the conversation with my mother, explaining that current movements and how events throughout history have shaped it. I explained how America was built on the backs of slaves, that that has had lasting effects on black communities today. For a while it didn’t feel like she was listening — that [her] biases were so deeply ingrained that she didn’t thing she needed to make a change. Today she shared a video on Facebook about systemic racism in the US with the caption: “We must do better.””
“I’ve been having conversations with my mom over the past few days trying to explain the importance of the BLM movement and why the protests are so significant to promote change. I think the hardest part for me was to convince my mom about what it’s important for us to support and fight for this movement because her mentality is that this matter doesn’t “concern us”. However, I started using a lot of personal examples and tried to connect how our identities as Pakistani Muslims is also negatively viewed by some people in [America]. By no manes am I comparing our experiences with the experiences that African Americans face in the US, but I figured that positing out more personal examples that relate directly to my mom might make it easier to start understanding and empathizing with the black community. It’s a start, but we still have a lot more work to do!!”
“My experience:
-started at the dinner table
-kinda frustrating, didn’t always see eye to eye
-still learning how to communicate effectively
-recognizing that progress is gradual”
“The convo has been happening most nights over dinner w/ my parents. Here’s what I’ve learned:
-My parents are surprisingly more understanding and reasonable than I expected
-I struggle to articulate some points in a way they’ll understand, so I’ve been leaning on resources like videos to make those points clear
-Change doesn’t happen instantly! It’s a continuous & frustrating process but opening up the convo has encouraged me to keep it going”
“I can’t donate as much as I want to the BLM Movement. I can’t go out and protest either. But what I can do right now is educate people who still don’t understand what Black people go though and the reason for the protests and the message behind #blacklivesmatter. I’m sitting in my room. Sobbing. Because I have empathy for what’s going on right now. Because that’s all I can do after trying to make someone that’s ignorant into someone that’s aware. Trying to educate my own family is hard when everyone is stubborn just like I am. But please educate your family on what’s going on. Educate them on racism. Being South Indian makes this 100x harder but this is all I can do in a time like this.”
“Trying to educate my own family is hard when everyone is stubborn just like I am.”
"Spoke with my parents at dinner yesterday. We usually watch the news during our meal, and it was unusually quiet yesterday as we processed what we were seeing. My dad said it’s unbelievable and awful to see such violence unleashed on peaceful protesters, but didn’t understand why people were looting. I tried explaining as much as I knew, but it’s something we both need to educate ourselves more about. He is livid at the state of America, especially the lack of competency and maturity he sees at the national level. My mom shared that what opened her eyes to systemic injustices were stories about race and education. She read an article about a black girl who worked incredibly hard in school at a poor neighborhood. When she visited a richer school, she was crushed, realizing that she might never get to those students’ level of success no matter how hard she worked due to a lack of resources. My mom realized it’s not that black people don’t want to be educated, it’s that sometimes they simply cannot. It’s a vicious cycle of injustice.”
“My parents are rather progressive for people born and raised in Taiwan, but there are aspects they still don’t entirely understand. Yesterday I was able to explain after dinner the problematic nature behind the AllLivesMatter slogan. I was about to explain that even as a minority race, we hold a level of privilege. It’s a tough conversation to have with someone who was raised with a very different point of view, but it’s necessary. It’s a matter of bringing their attention to the fact that black Americans face discrimination and racism on a scale that we could never understand. And I will continue to initiative these tough conversations, because education is a powerful tool in this fight.”
“This is my #AsianAmericanConversation: Tonight, my parents, sisters, and I had the first of many important conversations about the model minority myth, racism, and police brutality in America. The conversation started in our family group chat with the Chinese #lettersforblacklives, and eventually it moved to our dinner table. Eventually tensions rose and emotions ran high. It was a difficult, but necessary discussion, and the language barrier brought its own complications. While we didn’t see eye to eye on everything, my parents acknowledged our passion and fervor toward this movement. Now that we’ve opened the dialog, one of the things we plan to do is watch the documentary “13th” with Chinese subtitles. Moving forward, I hope we communicate more productively in order to reflect on all our thoughts and actions. The hardest conversations are the ones worth having.”
“I confronted my parents about their biased views about the BLM movement since all they seemed to focus on was the “looting” and “rioting.” I was scared to start the conversation. My whole body was ridden with anxiety, but I did it. What I learned helps them understand the most was to spread the word of the protests, so my parents’ source of information isn’t just state-sponsored propaganda. I’ve been sending them videos from protests, tweets talking about the movement, videos that break down systematic racism so it makes sense to people who aren’t aware of it. I’ve noticed them forwarding those links and posts to my relatives abroad to shift the narrative since all my relatives can see is an angry black crowd stealing and destroying the country. I even got them to donate to the movement. I’m not stopping there. I’m still sending them information and working on keeping them educated on the issues as I’m learning about the issue. This is my story. #AsianAmericanConversation.”
“It used to be really frustrating to talk to my family regarding racism or even just activism in general. They were stubborn and always told me to stay quiet or stay out of “other people’s business” but I was confused and angry because that isn’t what I believed in or was taught at school. I never delved deeper in asking them why and just grew frustrated/gave up on the convo right away because I thought they were just plain wrong. The more and more I talked with them, and the more I actually listened, the more I realized that their main worry was for my safety. Whenever they spoke, it was defensive, for themselves because staying quiet was how they protected themselves in this country and os they projected that also on me. So now when we talk about going to protests, speaking out, etc. I let them know why I do it and also the things I’m doing to be safe or cautious to ease their minds. It’s a great reminder that a conversation is a two way street. Once you listen to their side, you can have a much more effect conversation!”
“Having these conversations with your parents will be hard. I’ve lost my patience several times. My parents only talk about what they see on the surface. Breaking that wall of discrimination and ignorance will be a long journey, but teaching them about systematic racism and showing them how we can empathize are slowly cracking these barriers they’ve put up.”
Thank you to everyone who has attempted the conversation, and thank you to those who have shared their experiences. The fight against racism is an ongoing marathon. Change is not instant. Shifting perspective is slow, gradual, and requires a lot of effort. But we must be patient. We must be visible. We must persist.
Edit 6/16/20: On behalf of those who shared their #AsianAmericanConversation or supported BLM organizations, MA:E donated $200 to the Detroit Justice Center and $200 to The Bail Project. These donations were matched by Microsoft, and an additional $400 had been donated to the Minnesota Freedom Fund for a total of $1200.