Decayed Love
o! what a terrible thing that
i must admit: i’ve cornered you,
my silver subaru rumbling
not without struggle. one hit wonders
sink into the background, overpowered
by our unsightly silence.
your face contorts in purposeful
confusion – how peculiar! prying
into my hand, what’s happened?
your quivering lips and blood
stained skin say otherwise.
we exchange breaths, and i am
suffocated by its chastity.
i peer past your eyes, and i pity
its cool glow amidst the humidity of
this summer night. your
heart was still whole,
and i grasp your hand, remember our first
date? back in february, i say.
you were timid, you kept looking down
towards your shoes – they were black nike
running shoes, but the laces had traces
of mud, and a small hole peeked
through your toes.
i caress the edges of your soul, just as i did
no more than a summer ago. it was
comfortable, i let our hearts collide
as we grazed lips. you tasted like
hand-squeezed orange juice – you smelled
like store-bought mint, and the rips on your
shoes were ever growing. i loved you then,
i love you now, but
i’ve begun to drown you
out with faint memories and vivid
fantasies. i peer into your eyes and
the world slumps and dulls with
agonizing apathy.
i let you pour me a pitcher of your secrets,
your aspirations, and all that made you
feel full. and yet, I ran away with the
leftovers of your love, only to splatter
its remains on the side of an empty street.
Essence of fragile leaves
Taint the canvas of your city.
Your brightness lurks in the background,
‘Twas only a fortnight ago could I still
Trace an outline of your face.
Please dear, please describe once
More the fair-weathered flora and
Fauna of D.C., for my paint strokes
Are muddled with unbecoming memories of you.
This piece has warped into winter, the
Warmth of your town whisked away,
Along with my shivering soul. This landscape
Has become barren, I’m rushing to saturate
It with snippets of your life.
Perhaps you’ve found someone new; I
Hope she’s the muse that you’ve molded
In your sketchbook. I hope you
Trapped her in your painting and erased
Me with one stroke of your sinful brush.
A new figure is emerging from the shadows,
And you’ve begun to crackle and fade into
The coldness. I’ve drawn you a streetlight,
Aglow like autumn nights in the capital.
Stay warm, and far, far away.
From the author:
Heartbreak is a horrible feeling year-round, but it often becomes highlighted during the month of February – the month of love. Everywhere you go, you are surrounded by happy couples, bouquets of roses, boxes of chocolates, etc. This Valentine’s day, I reflected on the paths I've taken to become who I am today and the people I left behind throughout this endeavor. Most significantly, I grappled with the idea of “what could’ve been.” How differently my life could have been, what mistakes I made that forever changed my course of being. Could my love life truly have had that much impact on the person that I’ve become? The poems I’ve written above walk you through my thought process, detailing moments of apathy, regret, and guilt.
